Is it okay for us to be honest about the hard truths? Because that is what I’m facing today in this New Year.
Four years ago, I prayed for God to show me how to prioritize my life according to His will. And He led me to Elizabeth George’s book: A Woman After God’s Own Heart! I got as far as the table of contents and couldn’t believe the way in which God quickly answered my prayer. My heart began to burn with a fierce fire to have what God wanted for me; to be who God wanted me to be.
What and who was God calling me to be? God was calling me to be a wife, to be a mother, and to be a godly woman for His kingdom. He was calling me to be a woman of true authentic integrity. Which, if I am truly honest, has been my hearts lifelong greatest desire. And with that, I set out to do exactly that. Has it been easy? No. Worth it? Yes (every sacrifice worth).
At that time, I had also been let go from a job, in which, I loved. I worked for the Boys and Girls club. And seeing those children come in every day was a joy to me. I was sad to have to leave them. Yet, the reality was was that my own children at home needed more. Grant it, they were with me when I worked. But yet, something at my home was missing. You guys, I would lie if I told you my house was in order. BECAUSE IT WASN’T. BUT GOD! We were also going through some other things at that time as well. I think we can see why this calling to be a woman after God’s own heart was much needed. I saw it instantly. I saw it, but I didn’t grasp the full meaning of it. I knew it was important, but I didn’t know how important.
Let’s move ahead. Four years later. Here I am still, on this lifelong mission to be a woman after God’s heart. Still prioritizing; still with that same burning fire that I’ve had since day one He called me. And, Wow! So much has been revealed since then. So many hard truths have I learned. So many valuable lessons. So much wisdom. I bless the name of God for such a call as this. I wouldn’t trade it for anything else in this world.
Let me add before actually moving on. I made the choice after losing my job, and seeing what God was calling me to, to not go back to work. I really believed at that time that I needed to be at home with my children. And this is a reality that I realized much later. I had spent the most important years, the ones where their lives were meant to be truly shaped, working and away from home. I was a single mother for a period of that time. I had to do what I had to do. But after having married, I saw the order God was bringing to our home. And it called for me to make a really tough decision. That was to be a stay-at-home mom. That was in the year 2012.
So here I am. It’s the year 2016. And it seems that now more than ever, this calling to be a woman after God’s own heart has become even clearer. There’s so much more depth to this calling. And it is honestly centered around one word: Integrity.
Integrity. A word I cannot seem to get away from. A word that pursues me every day. A word that has brought me to a hard truth; that in my family line, amongst the females, there hasn’t been one to truly live this kind of life. I haven’t up to this point (truth be told). But God has called me to be that one.
What do you mean, Erica? I mean to truly live and set the standard for God’s righteousness and holiness in my family line. To be courageous. To be the generational curse breaker. To bind the ties, and break the shackles of those unrepented iniquities of my ancestors that continue to want to travel from generation to generation. To declare that those things will travel no more. I believe in my heart that God has called me to that. And I am willing to answer the call. I have declared that those such things have run their course long enough. I have decreed that they stop here and today.
Someone has to take the stand for God’s righteousness. Someone has to make the decision to teach her children to truly chase after, pursue, and obtain a right and truly intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. Someone has to be the one to carry God’s legacy through their family’s generation. I have determined it to be me.
And so, I will build my house, maximizing the time I have left of my children’s years to lead and guide them. They are well in their teens now. My son has left the nest, but my daughters still remain. Who will teach them? I will. They will forever need to see a godly example. I resolve to be the best example of a woman of God that I can be, to bring glory to God and to lead my children. For that, I need the utmost integrity. God’s integrity in me.
Let integrity and uprightness preserve me; for I wait on thee. (Psalm 25:21)
But thou, O Lord, shalt endure for ever; and thy remembrance unto all generations. (Psalm 102:12)
18 Therefore shall ye lay up these my words in your heart and in your soul, and bind them for a sign upon your hand, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes.19 And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.20 And thou shalt write them upon the door posts of thine house, and upon thy gates:21 That your days may be multiplied, and the days of your children, in the land which the Lord sware unto your fathers to give them, as the days of heaven upon the earth.